use you’ll turn in two 

as I write my past, I see all the ways 

You’ve been loyal–

saving me from a boy

I couldn’t let go of until

the day I found the courage 

to say no, giving me friends 

who have looked at my eyes 

full of fear & said, it’s okay, I still

love you. Or wrote in the miles that 

separate us. But here, lord,

there is fear that I can’t share the breaks 

that lead to this place, beca 
fmf: loyal.

God is loyal. Loyal to love when you don’t know. Loyal when you are in a state of shock. Loyal to love you when are so tired but somehow keep finding words to say.

And today those words are, thank you.

Brazen: More Than Sandpaper 

Here is the truth: 

Brazen comes out today.

I haven’t finished it. 

This is kind of hard for me since I put so much gosh darn pressure on myself to have things done the day or at least a day before.

But that did not happen with this book. And I don’t know if when I finish, I’ll be able to review because there are so many topics in here that have hit me hard. 

So, I’m about to review this with 8 chapters to go. This also feels illegal, but I’m not going to apologize (this is something Leeana talks about in her book) for the fact I’m a writer. And writers need to process.

The word, brazen, to me, has this sandpaper quality. Without knowing that it means, “shamelessly unapologetic,” I think of someone who goes out there and doesn’t take no for an answer. I did not think that it had anything to do with creativity or the soul. Or your voice.

What I think I’ve loved most about this book is Leeanna’s open confession with the struggle of Soul Bullies. You know the voices inside us that things like: 

How dare you desire.

How dare you follow an inkling?

How dare you love what you offer this world.

How dare you write.

Or in my case: How dare you write a review when you aren’t even done with the book.

Leeana heard these Bullies during one of her 20 minutes of soul time. This is where she sets a time for 20 minutes for 20 minutes and writes whatever her soul is saying to her. At the end, she asks God what he would look to say to her.

I don’t know why more than anything else, her admission to having Soul Bullies has stayed with me. Maybe it’s because I automatically assume those that are older don’t struggle with these things. I mean, they’ve been around longer than me which means they have experience. Ways to overpower the Soul Bullies without constant need to tell them: how dare you tell me who I am? 

Or withdraw for a bit, because maybe they’re right.

Leanna’s honesty has had me hooked, how we all struggle with being brazen. How we should not only embrace our brokenness, but our belovedness. How we each have a child, a mother, and grandmother inside us. Guides that show us who we are. How we are allowed to take up space in this world and not apologize for it. To become.

There’s so much in this book that only having a week and some time to read and take in, I couldn’t do it. The Reflection & Expression questions have stopped me in my tracks. They are hard and I want to bypass them, but I just want to to sit them. Because I know I won’t go back to them for months. Years maybe.

And did I mention she encourages all to make a Brazen board? Can I just say I’m so glad she prefaces the book with a note we do NOT need to be Martha Stewart?

Thank you, Leanna. Thank you.

This is a book that you need to spend time with. And I’m honored to continue taking this journey to come out of hiding and see Jesus along the way.