3/30/18

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Day 90

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Father,

Settle me down

in Your love today. 

Tomorrow. Sunday 

& beyond. Let me see 

The way You took upon

Your shoulders the weight 

of my envy-the sorrow over 

another’s blessings-and cried

out, forgive her. She knows not 

what she does. And as the blood fell, let 

me remember 

the tenderness You hold in Your 

heart for me, the grief I shed. Rise me 

again to see the beauty You give me and 

another – knowing that doesn’t come 

between us but draws us closer to 

different ways in which (You love us all

love,

tender-haired girl)

fmf: settle. ( is where timer stopped. 

look at my dissension

i love the way
green colors trees
in spring & summer—
never the heaviness
holding down my heart
all year round.
why she’s liking that
photo by my friend?
why can I function
better broken, aching
with a grievous heart
than I can? why was i
duped by such pretty
words yet again? why
can’t i be less open? i
want to read so many
books,

fmf: green. my favorite color, which also happens to be the color of envy, which leads to pride. and control. and guess who has that? me. that’s why i want to read any book about Jesus I can, so i can ignore the grief, the fact i want to be understood by friends or someone I meet, but the more I spend time with Jesus. reading his word, I want to stay. He listens to EVERYTHING. The silence, tears, and the longingI have to be smothered in his love. Though, I almost was severely distracted by FB (I don’t use anymore, but I log into 8tracks with it), he pulled me back to write this. All social media has shown me how quickly I become envious or feel i’m not good enough. but this year in all it;s confusion, hurt, guilt i’ve felt, i’ve felt pulled into Jesus’ embrace over and over. and know he’s guiding and tenderly leading me by my weakness (right hand).

(this isn’t part of the five minutes & i could write a lot mire,but I need to focus on the ending of the paragraph.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand. (psalm 73)

and this.

Pruning

IMG_0241.JPG

Where the fence is low,

You come into view.

I am unfeeling,

kicking up dirt words

I've said, up we go, now

grow grow grow.

when times become

too much to handle.

Green stems easily remind

one is human.

Envy one’s possession.

Rank.

Let the root sour,

abdicating the headdress

crowning you unique.

A banner furling under

Siberia cold.

Pricked by cactus

in the valley

where nectar runs

empty till river crosses bend.

Soften this heavy rope

I can’t unknot binding my wrists

behind my back, as a secret

no one dares share.

Expectation leads to self-hatred

I was never meant to believe.

Why not trust the promises

You’ll continually take my right hand,

straightening these crooked paths

to the Jericho promised long ago.

I AM betrothed to you, Beloved,

whose cracks come clean

the more you lend your metamorphosis to the cocoon

I’ve chosen for you to hide away

your bloom for those needing

linger with love.