1/22-23/18

.//

Day 56-57

//

God,

Here is my grateful list for today:
1. Shrek the musical recommendation from Teri
2. Dad calling me, Twink before leaving (makes me feel like I shine even if I don’t feel right now)
3. Fighting Words by Ellie Holcomb (reminds me of when Megan texted before the hysterectomy last year: Use your fighting words, Jewelia. Made me smile and calm come to my heart.)
4. Prayer. Praying for friends and family and just talking to You helps me take off of me.
5. Unexpected free box of snacks coming next week thanks to Sarah. Her wanting me to try it even though I know she’s not feeling well was the kindest thing. Threw me off. Most of Your surprises do. Let there be chocolate please.
6. Mom making peanut butter/banana sandwich for breakfast/tomoato soup, grilled cheese and that really good salad. I love the way she loves, God.
7. Beckah Shae. I know I’ve told you a lot but the way she takes really popular songs and turns them into songs about You. Ugh, so good. Seriously if she turns all these covers into an album, I’ll be breaking it down for You on constant repeat
8. Like I will most likely do for Kelly today. Maybe. Thank You for her friendship – the way she brings out more of the me that’s been hiding. By the way she listens and prays and loves by giving her time and presence, It helps me see Your face- the joy, Lord. It captivates me. Help us enjoy each other and the time You give us today.

Help us to love deeply. To give and receive the love, encouragement You so freely give away. Help us to savor the laughter, make room for the tears that water the flower that can grow even from the bitter. You make us better – two is better than one and and a threefold strand isn’t easily broken. You gold us together. You make us better. I can’t stop repeating it right now. Let be true. Amen.

Love
Your tender haired girl

PS. Thank You for everything. For today. For music, an a song that still gets to me.

previous letter.

 

 

Advertisements

1/17-18/18

//

Day 52-53

//

Father,

It is the simple

joy of a Monterey Jack 

grilled cheese sandwich

cut into triangles  

& extra tomato soup with 

a pickle that make me want  

to say thank you. Thank You

for the beginning again with a

friend even as I am still afraid 

& it is slow. It makes me have 

to lean on You – trust You. Thank You for 

the prayers from friends – heys, how are 

yous & cinnamon roll pics – the time with 

mom, watching a documentary about 

Chicago – making me want to have maybe 

3 friends who know me well after 40 

some years. Who have 

walked though mundane, grief & joyful 

overflow. Who’s hugs feel like home & 

laughter fills my soul. Please, Lord. Let it 

be so. – thank You for the snow. And the 

way the sun danced on the floor as it was 

going down.  

& this quiet now. For holding my fear and 

helping me rest in You. 

Love, 

Your tender haired girl. 

Ps. I’d like some joy tomorrow (or actually since it is tomorrow), too. Please. Thank you. 

Previous letter.

1/16/18 

//

Day 51

//

God, 

Do you know 

what a gift it was 

to sing with the dog

sitting by my side?

He sat there and listened 

about how You won’t let me

go & like a skin You are shedding the dry, 

cracked pieces that do not bring life. 

The pride, the bitterness, the 

the jealousy. I need not, want not. 

I laughed to myself, the 

way the happiness lifted me 

just sitting with him for however long 

until he laid on my lap in surrender. 

It was beautiful even 

though the day was grey.

Thank You for knowing me

and seeing me today in all 

of the quiet and gentle and unsureness of 

this day. The little sparks, laughter, 10-4 

good buddies. Thank You for the way You 

love me. 

love,

Your tender haired girl 

Previous letter

12/29/17

//

Day 38

//

Like a skin,

the light of Your love 

shines in. God, it’s as if

You have a flashlight to

look inside my heart. I can

almost hear Your whisper,

what makes you so afraid?

I will be left alone, forgotten,

abandoned. I will have to work

for approval when deep inside

I feel a child in the dark. I know 

You want me to have my eyes

open wide. The love comes, God, and it is 

a gentle touch.

I’m here, child. I’m here. I’m here. 

Say it again. 

Every battle–

this one where all

I see is broken within 

& without, You see more

than I am at this moment –

You fight. Reprise my joy

again. Let me find you here

in the morning where I see today, Your 

kindness shining bright. Right in my eyes 

with the sun, the cat across the table laying there. This tea.

The warmth. Ellie Holcomb coming 

through these new headphones aptly 

named, IJOY. 

You are doing something. Your joy my 

portion and my strength. 

One thing I know: I feel You

are going to tell me You are loved over 

and over again.

It looks beautiful and always wins. It 

makes me grateful.

You are the someone who will

not let me go. You are my success. You 

are going to come right on time. You will. 

You are here right now. Hold me still. 

Rest me in Your songs of deliverance 

now. 
love,

Your tender haired girl 

PS. 

“He will send from heaven and save me from the slanders and reproaches of him who would trample me down or swallow me up, and He will put him to shame. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! God will send forth His mercy and loving-kindness and His truth and faithfulness.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭57:3 AMPC

I really like this verse in this version a lot. Save me from reproaches and the  slanders.  Not that I didn’t feel them earlier because as he was leaving, he kept saying to do something new. besides sit here with you. I don’t want to. I have no desire to. I don’t like that I don’t feel well either. Just gross. Tired. But maybe a 5 minute walk. I really want time with a friend. Actually I don’t, but maybe it will do some good too. Send forth your mercy and lovingkindness. Please and thank you. 

Previous letter here. 

12/27/17

//

Day 37

//

God, 
I want to cry. Your love keeps coming in waves. Strong. The way he makes up a song about me eating chocolate. How much I like it. I just sit there and laugh. So hard I want to cry. 

The way dad comes in later with butter and brown sugar oatmeal, like when I was little — maybe teen– and tea. The white chocolate cocoa from Starbucks from my sister. The snack bowl from my dad with carrots, olives and cheese, pickles and pretzels. It’s like when I was little. God. 

And watching tv with him and Carl, precious big dog that he is, laying on me and the sigh. That deep exhale that kept making me laugh. The fire. Your presence. It always takes me awhile to settle in. The texts from friends I still need answer. 

And an email that has totally thrown me for a loop. Total surprise. Wasn’t expecting. At all. 

I love how this songs says You are a compassionate friend. And asks that You shelter us with Your love. Yes. Please. 
Help me keep settling into Your love. 

Also, I’d like to see the skit guys in February. I know there is no way unless You make a way. Because it is in Texas. And that seems ridiculous to fly there for a day for a free event. But ughh. You know I love them, how they make me laugh. And it’s in a church. Which scares me but I’d brave it. Maybe. 

And you know I’d want to ask Trisha to go. But it’s ridiculous. Absolutely. But I see it and think, could you have favor with that? You know I’d probably go all, you guys helped me find Jesus. And see that he sees me. And make me laugh. So much. And introduce me to Brahm’s. Thanks. 😂 how about the shake shack? Can we grab one?

Yep. Crazy. But I guess I can wait and see. Also, you and Texas is very interesting. I know we’ve been through this. But it kinda still won’t let go. 

I don’t know where this is going except thank you. Fill me with your love until I overflow. I think it’s happening… 

Savoring You. 
Your tender haired girl

Ps. I can’t believe I’ll have read Your entire Word by Sunday. Really. I’m going to seriously party Monday. I can’t believe I did it. 

Previous letter found here.  

12/21/17

//

Day 34

//

Lord,

Be the loudest voice 

amongst all the doubt

& fear swirling within,

wrapping me like a skin–

this skin– holding a heart. 

The way I find my body

randomly trembling, my feet

shake wonder if I will find

You, make me wonder how

I am wonderfully made.

Come be who You are. 

Come show me the beauty 

You see, come show the beauty

when You look at me. I place my hope in 

Your lovingkindness, O

Lord. Do not leave me. 

If you fall, You say, I’ll 

lift you. Your head won’t 

always hang low. I AM 

mighty to show you the 

light of your love, My face. 

Show me You’re never giving up, Lord. 

Show me I am loved

in a multitude of ways today. 

Like my sister doing the Macarena to 

Mannheim steam roller that made me 

laugh until tears wanted fall, or the fudge 

recipe from a friend that helps me taste 

and see You are good. 

And now maybe a nap since I am falling 

asleep writing this. 

Every battle is Yours, Lord,

but especially this: to believe

I am worth time to You. I am 

loved with nothing to show in

my hands, but eyes open to 

watch Your lips echo my name. 

My exhale a sound of surviving,

finally receiving Your nearness 

no longer as anger. 

love,

your tender haired girl. 

Previous letter found here

12/18/17

//

Day 32

//

Anyhow,

You are loved. 

You whisper it

through his actions,

walking through the door

with DQ. I don’t know if there’s 

a blizzard involved, but just the

way he opens the door & says:

Look at this! with a smile on his face. 

God, I know I’m not supposed to 

understand 

this, but it makes me want to cry. Don’t 

you see what I’ve done?! How I still want 

to love

someone though I walked & said: I’m 

done. Or actually, I’m sorry. When I read 

in a book last night how there is no end to 

sacrificial love. What am I supposed to do 

with that?

Giving my heart feels so risky 

now. It feels so tender, but my heart is 

right there. In the giving. And the waiting 

for it to be received. And the look of 

shock. And amazement and wonder. It’s 

what I would like 

on my own face. Please, Lord.
love, 

your tender-haired girl

Day 31 letter found here