9/15/18

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Day 116

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God,

In a crowd,

I feel small & lost,

But I’m with You in my

Thoughts & I want to hold

Your hand or someone’s

That I know believes in me

Enough to stick around even

When my actions are less than

Admirable—who still sees potential

& will hold my hand to remind me

I’m not alone. Your peace fills &

Guards my heart, but sometimes,

Okay all the time, I want to know 

Someone is in this life with me. 

 

fmf: crowd. 

I’m Unraveling, Another Leaf Grounds

I’m sitting on a bed
in a room not mine.

She comes in,
sitting down beside
my quiet heart.

We’re going to let you
use this so you can
go back to school.

I fall headfirst to her lap.
Tossing.
Turning.

Gasping.
Tears.
So many.

My right hand held tight.
I sit up again.
Feet dangling over the edge.

Screaming.
I’m leaning over.
I can’t breath!

I can’t breath!

She looks into my blues.
Sympathetically lost for words.
She doesn’t know how to help me.

I can’t help me.

I don’t know what to do.
Crying harder into her shoulder.
I can’t stop. Desperate.

He comes in.
Crouches beside the bed.
Signs to the woman helplessly holding me.

It isn’t ASL.
It’s the kind parents make-up
not to hurt their children.

There’s pointing back & forth.
Mouths opening with wordless
whispers I don’t understand.

I know them.
They are not my parents.
I’m not twenty-four.

Their eyes gleam.
Little white spark.
Starlight.

Maybe tears.

Smiling.
She speaks.
Would you like to go with us?

A name rolls off her tongue.
I don’t remember it.
I think it’s a bar.

I’ve never heard of this place.
This isn’t a celebration.
I’m not a drinker.

I stare them both in the eyes.
Yes.
No.

They don’t hear these thoughts.
Yes, because I love you.
No, because I’ve enough people go over the edge into Satan’s hold.

They seem to understand
I’d rather be lonely,
than depraved.

I’m just like them,
without added poison.

My heart breaks easily,
watching them leave
without a bye.

I’m alone,
exactly as I began.

High Price

God bless whoever reads this 🙂

Chris Martin Writes

The worth and value of something is determined by the price paid.

My heart breaks this morning for the lost. For those who have never been told how amazing and valued they are in the sight of God. That they are not an accident. That they are not just an unplanned pregnancy. That they are not a mistake. They need to know that God saw and chose them before the very foundations of the world were ever formed.

Millions of people walk the Earth with an identity that is based on the ebb and flow of life, and not the truth of the Gospel. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done. It doesn’t matter where we came from. GOD LOVES US. PERIOD.

The sad thing is, it’s not just the lost who are suffering identity crisis. It’s also many people who call themselves Christians.

We allow the circumstances of life to…

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