have love to lift you.”

without love,
i look at myself
and think: i am
a fool. i find my
legs curled to my
chest, tears pouring
fear i’ve fallen too far
to be looked into—
“darling,” he speaks

fmf prompt: fear. this last line i feel Jesus has been whispering the last two days. i spent yesterday with a friend, spilling out fears (ex. how the lie creeps in I will be forever alone, leaning on the invisible God; it’s such a lovely thing to admit.), being reminded Jesus is on my side, going into a bookstore & not buying any books, singing, and going to see inside out. (which is an actual portrayal of emotions…especially sadness. (side note: i pretty much thought of my brother teasing me forever with sadness/) and did i mention i had steak n shake, a cookies n cream candy bar, a slushy (these at the movies…i haven’t had one of those in FOREVER.) and chick-fil-a and tons of laughter? yeah, Jesus loves getting together around food.. or I was extremely hungry…

all this & wednesday night showed me again how Jesus sees me/ how He longs to be gracious to me. And how he hears me.

how He loves me.

This Is Why

She said. Why are you smiling?

I stood against the chair, feeling the corners of my mouth point to the ceiling.

I shook my head. No reason.

She asked again.

Same response.

I’m offered coffee with carmel macchiato creamer.

I accept without hesitation.

Would you like waffles?

Only butter please.

I hope I spread it evenly enough.

Pfft. Yeah because I only eat I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.



She set the waffles in front of me.

I stick the plastic knife & fork into the toasted morning delicacy.

Want help?

I’m going to get it.

The waffle finally split in half.

You got it! Encouragement without mockery.

She settled on a movie. Is this okay? Pirates of the Caribbean.

Another reason we are becoming friends.

Mutual love for Johnny Depp as a pirate.

We sat there, working on different dreams, separated by laptops.

Music & poetry.

Do you know how to delete these words?

I took the laptop, highlighted the words, deleted.

I gave it back, finding I deleted too much.

I’m sorry. I was only trying to help.

I know. It’s okay.

I wanted to do this right the first time.

I fought the urge to beat myself up.

Such a tiny thing.

I’m human.

I exhale.

I don’t do taxes people.

I don’t want 24 pages of poetry.

It needs to be small.

A sample. Like a demo. She remarked.

I’m understood.

We continued working.

I edited, emailed, and held random conversation with this beautiful friend.

Without fear.


Worry the time is ending.

What I’m used to

Replaced with love.



When she says she’ll miss me,

I know she means it.

Despite my negative comment about I’m not much to miss,

Her smile as I pulled away from her hug proved otherwise.


I’m known.