have love to lift you.”

without love,
i look at myself
and think: i am
a fool. i find my
legs curled to my
chest, tears pouring
fear i’ve fallen too far
to be looked into—
“darling,” he speaks
“i

fmf prompt: fear. this last line i feel Jesus has been whispering the last two days. i spent yesterday with a friend, spilling out fears (ex. how the lie creeps in I will be forever alone, leaning on the invisible God; it’s such a lovely thing to admit.), being reminded Jesus is on my side, going into a bookstore & not buying any books, singing, and going to see inside out. (which is an actual portrayal of emotions…especially sadness. (side note: i pretty much thought of my brother teasing me forever with sadness/) and did i mention i had steak n shake, a cookies n cream candy bar, a slushy (these at the movies…i haven’t had one of those in FOREVER.) and chick-fil-a and tons of laughter? yeah, Jesus loves getting together around food.. or I was extremely hungry…

all this & wednesday night showed me again how Jesus sees me/ how He longs to be gracious to me. And how he hears me.

how He loves me.

This Is Why

She said. Why are you smiling?

I stood against the chair, feeling the corners of my mouth point to the ceiling.

I shook my head. No reason.

She asked again.

Same response.

I’m offered coffee with carmel macchiato creamer.

I accept without hesitation.

Would you like waffles?

Only butter please.

I hope I spread it evenly enough.

Pfft. Yeah because I only eat I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

Sarcasm.

Laughter.

She set the waffles in front of me.

I stick the plastic knife & fork into the toasted morning delicacy.

Want help?

I’m going to get it.

The waffle finally split in half.

You got it! Encouragement without mockery.

She settled on a movie. Is this okay? Pirates of the Caribbean.

Another reason we are becoming friends.

Mutual love for Johnny Depp as a pirate.

We sat there, working on different dreams, separated by laptops.

Music & poetry.

Do you know how to delete these words?

I took the laptop, highlighted the words, deleted.

I gave it back, finding I deleted too much.

I’m sorry. I was only trying to help.

I know. It’s okay.

I wanted to do this right the first time.

I fought the urge to beat myself up.

Such a tiny thing.

I’m human.

I exhale.

I don’t do taxes people.

I don’t want 24 pages of poetry.

It needs to be small.

A sample. Like a demo. She remarked.

I’m understood.

We continued working.

I edited, emailed, and held random conversation with this beautiful friend.

Without fear.

Panic.

Worry the time is ending.

What I’m used to

Replaced with love.

Gentleness.

Kindness.

When she says she’ll miss me,

I know she means it.

Despite my negative comment about I’m not much to miss,

Her smile as I pulled away from her hug proved otherwise.

Purity.

I’m known.