what tender care

outside the window

grow grasses green jealousy;
Abba, open me.

petals show bruises

my destitute heart cannot

understand, the burn.

I can’t stop working haikus in my head. 

And these are based on how I am, judgmental of myself, then others. I hate it so much. I’m more aware of how sick my heart is and how I want to break out of my body and beg Jesus to close my mouth. I’m scared of how angry, sad I am, how I find myself a bruise. And yet, when Jesus took the bruises of my pain, He thought of me. And how I find myself the least bit beautiful, but He says I am.

He’s the beautiful one though. Who can make flowers like that?
Matthew 6:27, 30 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. 

Ahh, I love spending my days in His presence right now, reading and talking to him and writing like crazy. And also, I really really love the Message bible like a lot. And the last thing I bolded has made me wonder what that means and then I replace it with: love reality, love intiatuve, love provisions. Not far away, but personal, right where I am.

Pushing back the blues

  For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (Psalms 84:11, NIV) Needs a bit more shading, but will be up in my etsy shop (where I’ve started putting my favorite drawings) sometime this weekend hopefully. God is really shifting my focus around. To above and behind. (& this makes me want to watch Toy Story..) To  look at the light in the midst of my blue. Ex. Ridding of books for my soul to exhale a little. To let Him love me. Also, I just realized Jesus’ walk was blameless because he did not sin & He dwells inside me, making me blameless. That is very eye opening for me.

the soul of a forever friend

i forget you—
the way you opened
your arms to me at the door
& the embrace following.
i was welcome, the same
as the gray cat at the entrance
of my father’s home—“you’re
here!”—her eyes wonder
while i sit at the table, waiting
the nuzzle i smile control into,
lost in love only knowing remember.

Author’s note: this cat, Juno, is my favorite. out of all the animals my dad has. No matter how many days I’m away from her, she runs to me, like. YOU’VE BEEN AWAY FOR YEARS! HELLO! I hung out with her from Friday until today, and even when i’d be doing something like reading, she’d interrupt: hi, so i’m just going to lay on your notebook while you’re writing, no big deal right? or when i’m laying on the couch:  hey, so i’m going to lay on you, but actually hug you for at least an hour and purr real loud? and then make you laugh.

she kept coming to me over and over. like God constantly saying: hey, julia. i missed you so much! hug time!

i saw it with the rest of my family. but the way she came when they were engrossed in something else. or not expecting. like me.

It’s God running toward us with arms (or paws) open wide.

It makes me tear up.

who teaches me to spread my wings

  

Inspired by psalm 84:3. I thought this would turn out horrible with the way the birds turned out, but I love it. I used a tutorial to draw the swallow & looked at a picture of a sparrow. I think I have a thing for landscape.

I’m considering buying a set of real pastels. Is this a good brand and decent set? There’s so many different kinds, my head wants to explode.