This poem could’ve been more about the fact I want to go sit on a swing set with Jesus (even though I’m pretty sure, no I know he’s on the porch swing right now with me.) but instead it’s about a dream I’ve been longing for that maybe was reawakened this week. It’s mystified me and made my heart all excited at the thought. Way too excited. I broke more this week and Jesus has held me.
I also learned an awesome attribute about Jesus: Sovereignty of God, his absolute right to do all things according to his own good pleasure. I’m in Ezekiel in my bible in year reading plan (a little more than half way done! Also makes me way too happy since it’s my first time. I’m gonna throw myself a party at 75 or a hundred percent. And dance to Ellie Holcomb.) and Sovereign keeps popping up a lot. I know that means God is in control, but I love finding this definition, that God does things for his own good pleasure. And then I find that pleasure has a synonym of “delight.” It’s hilarious because it’s my word this year. 😂 I love the way God does this. Love it. Sweeps in.
Speaking of delight:
I got this candle in the mail yesterday and can’t wait to light it. My sister got it for me in a smaller size 2 birthdays ago and haven’t been able to quit it. I love that it’s called joy and laughter. I want so much of that in my life lately.
I want to try something new out. I read this poem last night. Completely. Blown. Away. I’m pretty sure my mind was something like, “WHOA. YES.” You know those poems you just HAVE to read aloud? This was it. It felt like falling in love with God all over again. It a felt like an intimate conversation, explaining how beautiful He has made our world, me.
I’ve been having a difficult time connecting with God, though I’ve been writing double or triple what I normally write here. Life is very chaotic right now. Although I’ve been getting A LOT of quiet time, my heart and head are at war.
“Hey, Julia, I’m heavy with worry. Is that okay?” says my heart.
“Way to help her trust God. Weigh her down. She’s just going to feel guilty again. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, JULIA?! What if you can’t write tomorrow? You die? Someone else? You become uninspired? Oh, yeah, and you are stuck FOREVER?” screams my brain.
“Someone said something about flying away? Or wanting to fly away? So that could work…” debates my heart.
I have to turn on music, or I end up starting to cry. Because at the very core of me is want/need to spend copious amounts of time with God. I want to listen to Him speak so tenderly, I ache to stay a little longer. I want to cry over lyrics that speak to my heart. I want to smell His aroma every incoming breeze. I want to write long poems of devotion to/from Him. I want to laugh at His little love notes to me. I want to fall in love with Him and not be ashamed.
This poem awoke all that in me. I don’t what else to say, except I hope you enjoy this, as much I loved giving voice to it. God writes beautifully through you, Diana. ❤ Thank you for helping me open up some more through this. 🙂
You did not rush me-
leaving the cup empty,
as I filled the porcelain
with sorrow water.
You said: Though you hate yourself,
pitying each loss, mistake, wrong,
don’t you see how deep My love for thee goes?
I said: I worry You’ll leave too. You’ll say, “woe is her. She knows not what she wants.” Oh, to taste Your wine, pungent joy, I fear I’ll become drunk.
You said: Does the Georgia breeze not stir your soul to meet with Me time and time again? You sit in the chair, rocking your fears given brevity. You let them simmer, will not let the nightingale sing you to sleep.
I said: étonnant grace You show me now as I have nothing to fear.
You have said: I will never leave, nor forsake this child I love so. She is altogether beautiful. There is no flaw within.
You said: Trust in Me. It may seem all is ending, but I AM with thee.
You were a genie,
granting three of the same wishes
I, obliviously unaware at the time,
now know I needed:
brusque carpet ride laughter.
Author’s Note: Maybe it’s because I’m still a child at heart, but this will be my favorite movie of his. He singing was pretty awesome, too. 🙂 Thanks Robin, for making me want a magic lamp (which looks like a teapot now), hoping you’d come out and grant me 3 wishes. I can’t but think you’re laughing continuously with God now. 🙂