12/11/17

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Day 28

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God,

I’ll be alright
In this magic hour
where You hold me
even in my grief. You
steady me with two words:
Be still. Be still. Peace. Like
a skin, all my defenses fall
as You sing a song of blessing
to my weary soul. What a friend
with constant reminder, love looks
beautiful on gloom. On my down
turned mouth. You see the way
tears fall & my eyes searching
to know You are never giving
up & You are on time and it’s
going to be alright — will it?
will You lift up my head? Are
you & I cannot see — my heart
needs reassurance this letting
go may place me deeper in Your
arms still.

Waiting,
Your tender-haired girl

__

previous letter from a tender-haired girl. 

 

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12/1/17

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Day 24

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God,

This is going to be another poem letter.

Be near me today as I grieve

having to let go of a dog we gave a home 

to for a little while. 

I know he’ll happy with this owner, but 

the sorrow came

suddenly the other day telling a friend he 

would have to go &

then it came a week earlier. I

miss his presence, the burying his head 

into my leg and letting me pet him for a 

long time. Singing and he would look at

me like, what? I’m trying to sleep, but 

actually I’m going to go in the other 

room. Go ahead 

and keep singing. 

Ugh

previous letter from letters from a tender-girl.

fmf prompt: near.

11/27/17

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Day 20

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God,

I love waking up and talking to You. I feel more centered. Grounded. Held. I can feel You are doing some serious healing inside. Please don’t stop singing the truth to me. I want to know I matter to You. The more songs I add to this playlist, I feel You surround me. God, I will not let the enemy get to her No, no, NO. You are for peace, not chaos. You are for her. FOR HER. You are not angry. Small steps are big in Your eyes. There is no condemnation, but love in You, Lord.

I know I’m writing about the same friend over and over, but I really want to see You move in her life. You can do infinitely more than I ask or think according to the power working within me You are able to provide all she needs at all times so she can abound in the good work You have for her. You know the plans You have for her, plans to prosper her and not to harm, plans to give her a HOPE and a FUTURE. Everything is possible with You. You give focus, wisdom, courage, and hope, as she places herself in Your loving hands. You are faithful to the faithless. You are the God of hope. Compassionate. Abounding in love. Always chasing after her with love and mercy. They follow her all the days of her life.

Bring peace to her mind. Your peace that reassures the heart, stands guard. Help her make herself at home in Your love, that welcomes us each and everyday as we are, /your beloved children. And children yearn for that affirmation, we are loved even as we flail and struggle to make our way. But Your Spirit affirms we are Yours. We belong to You. She belongs to You. And You do not turn her away, or leave her orphaned, but come to her.

Come to her. Embrace her. Embrace her until the lies hush to whimper. She is precious, worthy and honored in Your sight. She is the apple of Your eye. I can’t take the liar anymore. I’d like to punch in the face actually. It makes me sad and angry to see all this darkness. How if we aren’t careful, it will slip in and blind us to the truth.

You are good.

You are faithful.

You love us.

You pursue us.

You are a mighty warrior who saves us.

You save us from the darkness.

You have, will and are the same

Yesterday. Today Tomorrow.

Thankful for today? 1. Time with You. Oh, how I crave it more and more. 2. Fruit bowl from my day. 3. Pretzel m&ms from dad. (I’d like more of those surprises please.)

#beatdepression with gratitude. This is becoming seriously enjoyable. And whatever this thing with favor that keeps coming up repeatedly, alright. Keep showing me, please. I don’t know how to deal with it—almost like I feel I don’t deserve it. Which I don’t. Help me embrace it.

Thank you.

I love you.

Love,
Your tender haired girl

ps. If You could bring her soon so we can have a dance party, it would be appreciated. Very. But I’ll wait and maybe dance over FaceTime soon. Maybe.

previous letter from letters from a tender haired girl found here. 

11/16/17

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Day 13

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God,

I love how that was timed. You knew I was going to look at that and have the memory of not knowing my place, leaving school and feeling like a failure all over again. It’s true though. I do. I have no drive or passion but to go one on one with people, as in friendship but not something I want to work toward to give me some money. It would be nice to be able to read again without becoming totally bored. I’m not with Your Word, but it took me forever the other day to finish a chapter of The Book Thief. I hope that doesn’t happen with The Shack. Please help me. 

And then I read this in the plan about Your favor: “The Spirit Himself testifies and confirms together with our spirit [assuring us] that we [believers] are children of God.”

‭‭ROMANS‬ ‭8:16‬ ‭AMP‬‬

And all I see in my head is You placing Your hand on my shoulder, telling me You love me. Or maybe it’s just the hand. And then in the next verse it says how I’m co heirs with You and if I suffer, I will also share in Your glory. I get it with the suffering. I do. It helps me see You in ways I wouldn’t be able to if things were all hunky dory. Really there is a better phrase other than ‘hunky dory’ but it’s what came to me.  

But I wouldn’t mind some days of hunky dory or for me to be excited. Which I am about reading The Shack with Kallayah and getting cupcakes when I finish reading all of Your Word at the end of the year. Seriously, I don’t know why I’m so focused and pumped on finishing it. But I am. Thanksgiving and Christmas aren’t really hitting it for me this year. Then again, holidays always seem to be a bit harder every year. But you’ve put some awesome friends in my life that remind me of Your presence and the atmosphere of the family changes a little on the day. 

God, I just want to see this, to know it: When you know you are loved, and you know who you call family, and you know your name is Daughter, Beloved, Chosen One, you can rest, and you can live, and you can be free.  

This from the loop devotional. I need help knowing I am loved. Please please please. And resting in it. I know I’ve seen glimpses but I need more. And it’s hard right now. I feel like a crazy emotional person who can’t give as much as she’d like to, who really wants to rest. Sleep. And then wake up, I wonder what God has for me today! But that last part isn’t me. Because if we are going to be honest, I wake up like, ugh what? Need to get dressed. God, pants. Shoes. Okay. I’m going to sit here and stare into space. 

And then I come up here, sit at the table and work through oatmeal and tea. And look at stuff. And then start thinking, wonder if Sarah will bring coffee? She has been awesome and so kind with the randomly (You are never random) bringing me coffee. And it makes me think of one of my soul sisters-Hollie. Pretty much every time. And we know what I’m getting Sarah for Christmas now. But honestly, that and wanting a friend to just text me. Or come over and just sit with me. But I think I’d be delirious either way. 

And yes I know so much wanting and mememe. But I love that You are okay with it. I only have enough space for some people right now and even that is a challenge. And maybe it’s not so much about me but to experience with these friends. One who is right now floating in my memory. 

You know, when I said sometime in the car to, savor the Saviour. Yep. I don’t remember exactly why I said it. I’m pretty sure I smiled though. I think I thought it was funny, how it came out of nowhere. Or You. It’s been rolling around in my head though. How this year has been a deep savoring. Or complaining. Or fear. But I want to savor Your love. So,

Thank you for no spider dreams. Thank you for the oatmeal. And the pears. And the chai tea. And the sun. And the devotional that made think of some friends. And getting to the book of Galatians. And my moo who let me complain this morning. And this jacket. 

I need you. 

Love,

your tender haired girl 

previous letter for Letter From A Tender Haired Girl found here. 

And to know more about Loop, click here. (It’s really good stuff.)

11/12/17

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Day 10

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God,

What can I tell You that don’t already know? A day and a half with him reminds me moment by moment: it’s okay to go slow. It’s okay to be still. It’s okay to drift off to sleep for awhile. 

It’s the way he calls me lady plush while I’m walking to the fire that I hear You: I see you. Or when he tells me he sees her covered dish and I don’t know what to say. But I stare at it for awhile, empty. I miss her too. Much more than I can understand sometimes. Sharing the silence is best. I know You were there too. Because I don’t always have to articulate the pain but sit with. 

I watch him butter the bread. 2 slices. Patiently. Meticulously. And place it in my hand. Warm. Just like I’ve been asking for months now. You’re funny, you know? 

I love you. I love my grandpa. The hugs from them all. There’s more I want to tell you. But for now, thank you. For turning me toward you. Your love. Always. 

I don’t know how you do it. But thank you for being who you say you are: faithful.  

Love,

your tender haired girl 
Ps. Thank you for reminding I’m your child. 

Letters From A Tender Girl. <— previous letter found here.  Missed a day but it’s okay. Okay, it frustrates me a tad but I missed a day in the beginning. So need to go easy on me. It isn’t a competion, but a drawing closer to Jesus. A noticing of his presence. His love. Reminders for my soul. He sees. He cares. He loves. He cherishes.  He loves a share a meal. 

11/10/17

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Day 9

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God,

It is silence from You while I’m sitting here sobbing that may be the biggest gift today. The fact that You are listening to me as I listen to the melody that is moving me to listen. I’m tired. And here come the tears again. I’m tired of these tears that come when I least expect them – the hurt I feel for my family. I’m broken. How do you look on this and not want to get angry? But you are the God of mercy. The division is too — much for me. The hostility. 
Come, Lord. With your love & comfort for me. Now, I just want to sleep. 

Love,

your tender haired girl 

Ps. Thank you for being near my broken heart and the space to cry. I wish I could feel your arms. 

/

Fmf prompt: silence. — is where the timer stopped. 

Part of Nanowrimo project: Letters From A Tender Haired Girl. (Previous letter found here with previous letters at bottom of post. 

11/9/17

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Day 8

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God,

I’m feeling this peace today that transcends what makes sense. It’s like hostile territory around me and maybe a little inside – but there You go bringing laughter again. And telling me You are for me. Thank you. For singing to me. Over and over again. 

Like this song now, where I’m hearing You say You are not lying about doing more than I ask or imagine. And just because I can’t see right now doesn’t mean You aren’t satisfying me right now, right here. Today. You’ve let me spend time talking to — or ughhh, please. Lord. — You. And listening to lots of Voxes and voxing back. It’s like boxing my depression to find the light of Your love. I can’t help but to start believing maybe You like to laugh than when I saw heart of mercy picture in my grandma’s house.  

The sorrow. I’d look at it and always think You were sorry. And that’s what I believed since I came to know You. You are either angry. Or sad. The joy is so hard getting older because of the fear it’ll just fall apart. It won’t really happen. There’s too much pain inside my heart. So much aching and wondering if it’s okay to be a child again. 

Is it? Is it okay that I want to read a book with a friend and have a dance party and eat all the chocolate? And forget the world? Is it okay that I keep begging for love love love to be poured out again and again on my friends and my family, myself who are hurting? Is it okay to say that this waiting is anticipatory happines and frustrating? 

And can we talk about beckah shae’s music for a minute? Totally catchy and makes me want to sing right now and dance. I can sing and write. But it’s slow. It’s well. You make all things new. 

Again with a song with the promise you gave me in March. 

You can do infinitely more than I ask or think. Ughh, God. I don’t get it just like I didn’t get it. But pleasee Lord bless beckah shae’s music too because ughh so good. I seriously want to break it down right here for you. Oooh yeah, the Hephzibah song! You delight in me. No longer forsaken. 

So you really see me as a delight? Let me see. My head knows, but we know my heart is slow. So very slow at opening and registering this delight You have for me. 

I’m always hopeful

The Son will shine forth, and bring that rainbow.. Thank you for Beckah Shae. So catchy. Ughh. 

Yeah, see Ya soon. Yah. YWH. 

Show me what You see when You look at me.  

Thank you for giving me hope. Being my hope. 

Love,
your tender haired girl. 

Ps. Bring on the shiny. Or the beats. It’s like coffee. For the soul. 

Letters From A Tender Haired Girl.

Lyrics/titles found in this letter here. And here

Here. And here. And one more.  

And an extra one for good measure and goodness. New fave right now 🙋