Jeremiah knew the tornado from which I speak 

Abba, all right here

I sit weak. I cannot fly
away from pain within 

begging my mouth open–

I remember the surrender 

You did for me that I may call 

Your name. I tell again how I 

cannot do this, help myself.

Silence. An opening ear, heaven

listening to my plea, love you say 

I cannot lose, in lack this peace 

abounds. My need for you, Abba,

is wide like a lake, rushing quick

as you, the Word, I restore all the locusts 

have eaten with new food, praises to Me, 

the one and only God, setting your heels 

back in wonder at how personal I am. 

Wait for Me, your hope to arrive. I will be 

right on time. Obsolete, you are not. I 

have hedged you into My side, 

continuously holding your right hand. 

Conversations may seem one-sided, but I 

am speaking love, pulling heaven &

Earth to show you how precious 

you’ve always been. From the beginning, 

you beloved, have brought delight to My 

tongue.

Oh, the thought of you alone, a 
longing I dare never withhold.

To be by your side, hear you sing,

oh it might hope rising to the ear

drum, to the starfish in the sea 

below, to the angels surrounding

My throne. Something changed,

the sickness in your bone makes

you question: how is between us?

You fear, I must have done wrong.

He’s mad. I am love, My child. Patient, 

kind, long suffering. I am 

awakening you to who I am-be still & 

know I am, God. Abba. Yahweh. 

Emmanuel. I have not forgotten you, you 

are a treasure, a diadem.

First song, always that I sing is not

a mourner’s, but the one reminding: I am 

in your midst,

the One mighty enough to save you, 

fighting for you, so keep singing My 

name: Jesus, you are

beautiful, hiding me under your wing, 

with healing less like scars.

Come, my friend, tell me I do not

need be afraid, because I am. Control’s 

never been mine, but

I’d like believe maybe there’s a

loving God, ever watching the sparrow & 

yet mindful my dusty frame; without the 

picture in my mind of thinking Your 

scold, of course this is just one more 

thing

you need Me prove to you! You are 

breathing every minute aren’t you?

You say I can dream of going home 

though I tremble with all my

wrong, shame I’ve done you wrong. 

Loving you, You say, I made knowing 

intimately, exempts the pressure to try to 

return what I 

give you, love you cannot understand. 

What do I know, but 

grasping, grasping to be less person & 

stand on my own. Strangers come beside, 

tell

me they know this struggle of

proud, a kindness I want hold.

When it was over, a glimpse of

beauty I turn, turn, turn–

your majesty 

i awake with your mercy

singing through my blood

stream–i want to sing holy

holy holy, but my breath steals 

at your name. so, let me greet 

the sun. the birds, the trees throw

up a canopy of highest praise 

for 
fmf prompt: rise. I woke up with this in my head: when I fail, your grace is always there for me. when I fail, your mercy is surrounding me.  I think I’ve listened to the song 3-4 times now. 

something about those lyrics makes me joyous this morning. it’s been a very trying week for me. the wondering why I’ve been sick. the wondering of his plan. where he is. why I feel lonely and withdrawn, but how he is with me.

i think my head has been in the clouds since Sunday. so many thoughts. i love he hears them all and will reveal what he wants in time.

wanting to know everything at once probably (does) takes his surprises for my life away from me. the expectation & anticipation. the devil wants that & being weak like this, makes me susceptible to believe seeing everything will make me feel better.

i know that trust has an element of mystery. Jesus knows I’ve never been a big fan of them, but if his love is behind the case, I’ll be okay.
Yep. Not sure where I was going with that one…

divine hand in mine

i never asked,

empty me out,

please? take the

selfish & minus 

me–let our hearts 

fill with your name.

I’ll take a moment 

remembering in this

sickness, you are present.

there must be something in

the water, your word keeps 

returning–be still, trust, do not

conform to this world. i listen to

the talk, non-stop: what consists

of our days. work, work, worry,

money, & i sit with my mind far 

away in the sway of trees. i know

you hear me, God. sniffling, 

coughing, complaining–those

jealous eyes burning currents

through my body. i almost hear 

you say, today is beautiful loving 

you the same as i did yesterday.

for i have done nothing, but

dream dancing on the moon

is eternity.
Inspired by this playlist. This girl has awesome taste in music, and 8tracks is the best for this reason. ☺️ I’ve been listening to this since I’ve been sick. Makes me daydream & lift my head up.

Jesus is good. ❤️

when he never sought my smile anyway

in the dark, i fever

a sickness i don’t under

stand. i stare shadows

moving toward me–so

says my mind. trembling,

i hide my face. remind

myself: in you, i take

refuge. the dark is light 

to you. flash a light 

against the wall.

nothing. 

i watch them 

again, think

i see your robe, 

but i should not

be afraid. for you

are love & to run

into fortress arms;

false guilt falling 

out sweat. tears

waiting spill 

on your feet.

when morning 

awakes me

to alarm a

death, my

heart does 

not gather 

in conclusion

i should remain

a liar’s tease–


Author’s note: last night, my body started sweating as if I had something to shed. I sat out in the rain for awhile yesterday, talking about Heaven, and smelling flowers on the breeze. before rain came, I laid on my back, staring at the sky, and feeling as if Heaven moved closer to me. It’s something to be able to be still before The Lord, and you legs tremble, your heart beating loud enough to remind you He is God.

And He loves me too much to let me believe those lies. Though I don’t feel good, He is faithful. He has given me the strength to look up into the sky, & say, I can wait on you.

where well pleased whisper meets me

i dream a friend walks
through my front door.
i laugh about how narnia
will be unplayable without
a dvd player—voices grow
& i am spinning out of control,
left left, left, counterclockwise.
i try grasping, holding still,
but i am falling to the floor.
you appear before my eyes,
friend & living room gone. your eyes
seem wet staring up cloud parting
light. i can’t hold myself still in this
moment—fear/awe captives pulling
at my frailty. you don’t speak—rebuke
absent strength keeping my gaze
marveling your contented smile
before i fade back to my body.

this dream was weird because i felt awake for the entire thing. & i could feel my body falling, trying to pull away from Jesus, but i felt a touch keeping me there though i never saw his hands. and he looked like he was standing in a field distances away from all these trees. he looked like he was crying joy. his smile made me want to stay a little while longer, but was scared i died, or was. i woke up, & heard a whisper, “with whom i am well-pleased” then after texting Megan, i looked it up: “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”” I read more about the Spirit of God defended on Jesus after he came up from being baptized. I didn’t see the dove (which makes sense being the Spirit), just light & his gaze longing. his eyes are blue.

i then sat up, drinking & holding a water bottle, thinking about it while playing another round of Draw Something before falling asleep. i also ate a shrimp egg roll thursday and woke up yesterday in pain and randomly thinking some noises were too loud/silence was suffocating. still felling hot or cold and loopy. and i didn’t really sleep until 2 after waking from this deam.

i had to write this down. even though everything was blurry. i can’t believe i remember it. all i keep thinking is, how can you be well-pleased with me? when God looks at me, he sees Jesus..and he loves me just because.

& then i wake up and read grace is God going first, Jesus dying for me while i was still a sinner.

& i’m still mystified.

yet all the oceans overflow

fire knuckle
cracks behind
me. i swallow
waiting pop
inside right
ear, left one
taking the pain.
i think night
when she
told my mother,
“wrap salt in
a washcloth.
hold it to her
earlobe—
the water
will draw out.”

I decided to take part in this challenge today. My ears are all pressured & all I can think is how my grandma would tell my mom try putting a washcloth full of salt on my ear to ease the pain. I always thought that added more pain and then, I would touch my ear to feel the heat from the salt. I’m such an odd child. But, I have my grandma’s voice in my head, saying, “It’s probably the change in the weather.” Or, the barometric pressure. I miss you, grandma. The wisdom. And the home remedy I disliked so.

Hold Me Still

Do not be terrified or afraid of them.
Be strong & courageous.
The LORD your God goes with me.
He will never leave or forsake me.

Do not be terrified or afraid of the negative voices in your own mind.
Way to go, Julia.
You couldn’t have looked earlier?
Now it’s lost somewhere.
Stuck.
It’s almost a month now.

You fail.
Nice going
.

Be strong & believe.
You may have made a mistake.
You are NOT one.

Your Father delights in you.
Your smile.
Your laugh.
Your blue eyes.
Your ache to give.

Let Him give to you.
He knows you’re tired.
He knows you’re overthinking.
He knows you’re feeling a wasted space.

He knows you think you are wasting time.

Listen to crickets sing outside.
A day’s rest gained their joying song.

Fall back to His blanketing arms.
You are safely nestled in the strength of His love.

You are not forgotten.
Nor forsaken dreams
keeping you wide eyed
with worry.

Rest in your sickness.
Your own power will not bring
about health.

Shh.

Quiet yourself in this waiting.

Labor-less

I sit outside
this September first,
dressed in blue workout pants
and velour jacket.

A glass cup rests
inches away from my feet.
Coca cola to settle my rolling stomach.

I blow a stuffed up nose
an unseen number
since I woke up this morning.

Now it is dripping.

A song about my words
being acceptable in Your sight
plays quietly to my eardrums.

I haven’t been kind to myself.
Throwing house parties
inside my head no one can attend.

Oh, God, I must stay still.
Do not let me condemn myself again.

This is not a wasted time.
This is weak than I already am.
This is You drawing closer.
A prayer I have feared answering.

I shall be with You here.
Aching.
Rolling.
Tired.
Blinking.
Listening.

Waiting.
Anticipating.
Hopeful.

Your smile
will be my cure,
Ursprache
to this ending
summer flu.

Sickness

I spill spearmint tea
on the blue pillowcase
covering a cart’s whitespace
by my bedside.

I am reminded
of an open window,
where crickets pass secrets
and laughter beyond a toilet bowl.

Psst. One said.
Another evaporated to hahas.

It’s no secret I said:
God, just. Then I sighed.

I am ill.

Coughing.

Runny, stuffed up nose.

My right ear hurts a little.

I’m cold.

My body decided to explode.

No crickets, this isn’t funny.

Maybe you aren’t laughing at me.

Or at all.

Maybe you’re calling God

With the blessed song.

Your rubbing legs

A constant ring

He never tires answering.

I lie here a dial tone.

Unaware

Heaven’s

singing over me.