Soon, Come

You wake me
coloring morning
not a sullen blue,
but lighter, stilling
my heart with patchwork
yellow, where hours before
I lay pursued.

My dreams warm, a sunrise
slow to come upon,
hiding no longer feasible
neath blankets set
in Spring’s arrival.

Come away now, sweet darling
I must see you smile,
though passages of dying
branches keep fear
a toll bell
down below,
I AM stirring
be still.

’13 Recollections & My Snobby Best Friend

Last year, I started something called, 365 Days of Praise. This was to help me focus on blessings, whether it be a person, memory, gift, Jesus has given. Looking back today, I noticed I made it two days and gave up. I gave up on a lot of thinga last year.

1. I gave up going to an awesome school after a year and half.

2, I gave up finishing this writing class I enrolled in before I started that school.

3. I gave up believing I could write at all.

4. I gave up in myself and other people.

5. I gave up asking for help.

You know who didn’r give up on me? My dearest friend, Jesus.

He was there in July, when I decided to come back to Georgia to introduce my immeduate family to Jesus. To watch hateful words fly out of hasty mouths. To become bitter. Angry. Despairing. To cry. Pray. Lose hope. Pray again.

Only to find myself on Christmas Eve, screamig at my mother to stop crying a minute, because the next day was our Savior’s birthday and no one there seemed to understand. (I’m not a yeller, but when I do, there’s always tears.) To find myself after that moment, telling my dad that his presence means more than gifts, only to be met with the confirmation of my age.

Sitting outside in 30 something degree weather on Christmas Day, staring an opinionless sky, Filled with short bursts of panic as I prayed God’s love would overflow the discontent inside. That my family would feel Him. That I wouldn’t mind if He took me to Heaven. But, I’d stay and suffer because this isn’t about me, but Him.

To my best friend (after Jesus) sleeping over Sunday, only to end up staying up till 2 talking about Jesus until we pass out. (This was actually the reason for this post, but I’m realizing the “bad” this past year has been beneficial, too.)

Day 3-My Twin flame

My best friend, Christina and I met in 9th grade over six years ago. (Though, it feels like since birth, really..)

The way I explain our friendship: I saw her in her wheelchair, with that purple book bag on the back during luch one day, talking and laughing with a huge group of people. I thought she was so popular.

I also thought she was the biggest snob. (Yes, people with disabilities can be jealous of each other..and find out you shouldn’t judge others from what you see afar..)
She has this way of effortlessly mixing with anyone. Quiet or loud.

I just remember one day in art class, we were talking about our plans for the weekend, and soon enough a sleepover was in the works (while our study hall/special ed teacher did my project. And quite a few after that…) I think that may have been one of the times I didn’t mind getting in trouble. (even though I should’ve been doing my work..)

Even though our personalities and disabilities are polar opposites, we’ve always considered each other our twin. She has Spina Bifida. I have Cerebral Palsy. She loves hanging out with groups of people. I like to hang out with one (two) at the most. She’s way more girly than I ever will be. She’s outgoing. I’m quiet. She likes to read. I like to to read and write copious amounts of poetry. She’s two years younger than me.

If I’m being completely honest, I do not understand how our friendship has worked so well. Or how when we are together, I’m not the quiet girl anymore. I laugh more than is necessary and I talk A LOT. (Could be because we drink one can of Coke and are slap happy the rest of the night..)

We see qualities in each other that we ourselves are unable to see.

Christina is opinionated and strong willed. She will tell you how it is, whether you want to hear it or not. She is a persuasive speaker. (Just the other day, she got me to watch 5 episodes of Doctor I just want to travel in the TARDIS..)

This is why she’s the president of her college’s ABLE (people with disabilities group.) She says she’s not bold, but believe me, she takes more risks that I spend time overthinking. I honestly believe she could change the whole world because she’s got this fearlessness that can only comes from Jesus.

I’m thankful she decided to sit with me and another friend she knew that day at school.

I’m thankful our parents have gone out of their way so we could become besties. (We always imagine we could drive for a second..)

I’m thankful she pushes me to reach my dream of being a writer, even though I’m afraid.

I’m thankful we’ve gone through: immaturity, boyfriends (1 each), family issues, and death, to make our friendship what it is.

I’m thankful we’re still learning about each other’s likes (we just found out we share obsessions with New Girl and Drop Dead Diva..)

I’m thankful God ALWAYS knows what He doing when He brings people into your life.

And just cause I love this picture…

I love you, Twinz! Thank you for showing me Jesus and crawling through this life with me, until we finally behold His lovely face. 🙂