It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the blog. It feels like that anyway. The last piece I wrote was a flash fiction piece. This post is going to be a bit different—more of a life update and sharing of two mini courses that have changed my life.
(There will be affiliate links to both so I will make some money if you choose to check it out and buy. I want to say that upfront. I will link to some of the other courses mentioned as well. They’ve been so healing for me. )
I’ve felt led away from doing editing for the time being only to realize God has had other plans—plans I’m still trying to work through. One of them being writing (which I want to talk about more soon.) and psychology thanks to therapy. The last two years have felt like a deep dive into healing.
In July 2020, I felt led to do this online conference from Heart of Dating (they also have a real good podcast). A few month earlier, I met a guy in the HOD Facebook group who had invited me to to this in his own way. I felt peace about going through this and beginning the journey of dating for marriage, but this guy and would wind up not working out. We didn’t date, but God used the experience to grow me in trust. Deeper love for Him. I had a hard time letting him go. (Maybe more of this in the future.)
Since I had a year to go through the conference, I decided I’d let God guide when I’d watch certain videos— all throughout September-May 2021. I constantly felt the tug to watch and take notes. It felt like such an intimate time with Him for days on end and anticipation. And then that October, I felt led to start therapy.
By the middle of last July, I had finished what I needed from the conference. I felt empowered to date, ready for what I’ve felt God has been drawing me to for the last few years. I also made a new friend, Katelyn, who was from also the HOD Facebook group. I replied to a post wanting to drop the hanky on a guy on a vacay and shared my own experience with doing something similar at the time.
We became fast friends. The minute she wanted to voice memo, I was like, this girl is legit AWESOME. We continued sharing where we were in life, stories, faith, and went through Stephanie May Wilson’s LYSL and Kait Warman’s Heartbreak to First Date (both these courses have been so healing in my confidence and vision..but that’s a story for another day.) the rest of that year/this year at different times and supported each other through thrm. She’s been an answer to prayer for accountably & friendship. God does amazing things over the internet and is full of surprises.
So, this year in February she told me about a course she was by Alive and Free Consulting. She sent me the link to the website — checked it out & found the trigger training (how to walk through past triggers. This also brought deep understanding to me how I get triggered, to have compassion for myself.) & this course I want to talk most about:
It’s a 10 day course to heal from rejection. To be honest, I thought I was fine. I have been going to therapy consistently for a year and some, and knew God was/still is doing a deeper work. I don’t want to give too much away so you can explore yourself, but this brought a level of breakthrough I ever dreamed.
I will say what I loved and found challenging. Coming up with 50 things I love about myself. I had done something similar when I started counseling, when I had to put things I loved about myself. That was only three. This was 50. The cool thing about this is you could take what you don’t love and flip it to be true. Some things I put were: I love my feet. I love how I speak up, I love how I use my time wisely. (Still working on this.)
My favorite was learning to partner with love and compassion and break off the agreement of rejection and tell myself the truth. I read scripture and know it, but am often reminded of it when it’s needed. It was amazing to watch God showed up every time when I broke off with rejection, self hatred and others. Like telling myself I’m fearfully and wonderfully made from Psalm 139, to break off the lie of self hatred.
I cannot fully explain the way God has used this and is still using this course to bring me healing. To the way I see myself. I can honestly look in the mirror now and think to myself, Julia, you are beautiful. Hot stuff. (Something my dad used to call me.) I can send messages – voice/video messages and not cringe, but listen back and love who I hear/see.
I can try new things (learning Italian, applying for jobs, dating..) without fearing the rejection or needing to do things perfectly/or know everything as much. In the process of writing this post, I’ve been rejected twice by two jobs i applied for, and still know God has a plan though I can’t see right now. I can still go through what I learned in the course & let it strengthen. I’m still loved, seen and known.
There is a new freedom and wonder and excitement.
Honestly, the way I feel about myself when I look in the mirror astounds me everyday.
And all I can think is, God, look what you’ve done. Thank you.