You have searched me –
why do I think this is like
I’m on the run & You are
trying to capture me, punish
me? Why do I still believe You
want to condemn me when You
love me? I sit here, okay lay here, and
wonder how well
You know me. The way the cat
comes up besides with an almost demand
to be held as the voices around grow loud
– my heart is quiet and weary.
How the courage came earlier
to finally call her on the phone
again. And my mostly speechlessness-
listening to her voice carry me before You
to whisper the bloom of love awake. As if
it were May.
Okay, I made it more poetic,
but I know I couldn’t speak
when she asked if I fell asleep.
How can I fall asleep when I felt
wrapped in love over a phone line? I know
the angels take the words and bring them
before You, like a candle. The sweetest
candle – maybe a bit like the joy &
laughter candle sitting on the dresser.
God, I don’t know how
to tell You thank you, for helping me
listen & ask & linger with this friend.
Even though it’s taken years and the
distance makes me say, I wish we could
sit on the floor again. Or, a song will put
me back in a memory and I miss her
again. But You were with me in the
moments before I called & made the time
still. You stilled me in silence and her
laughter & the dreams yet to be fulfilled.
Tonight, I remember all over how every
good and perfect gift comes from You, my
Father, who weaves friendship better than
I could ask or know.
your tender haired girl
Ps. She better hope I don’t learn how to write a more put together song because the majority of that will go:
I found you in the lone star state
with dreams and fears
with a heartbeat similar to my own.
Do you see me?
Do you know the skies are big, but I need a friend, a smile to remind me I’m not alone?
The sky isn’t always the limit, but the words God gives make me feel as though I can fly.
The miles I flew to see your face found me staring into grace, a whisper of belonging, of place.
–what a song that is, God. Good thing You and her don’t mind the many poems, lol. L O L. Now I just want to hear that song and remember the late night talk and laughter. Mostly the laughter because slap happy and chocolate are the best. And very good company. Ugh, I miss it. Her.
Previous letter here.