longing for wonderment

I sit here and listen to

the crack of a Netflix fire

& a worship song announcing

You are king – my expectation

is high this season, Lord to watch you come

in & restore

my joy again – it is lost within

the coming winter wind & the new variant

of Covid – bring

the laughter again, let it come

as if from a dream I had nights

before where I see reconciliation,

hugging & coffee shared, caught

up on life again, connection

found. I love this winter,

Fmf: expectation.

keenly aware of my sensitive nature.

God,

I really need you here,

to nourish my hope

before I grow cold

with the winter –

the leaves

are falling

down

&

I am here

In wonder.

wander

how the distance

feels of wander

I will soon tread

over – snow & early

darkness where You do

Your best work, bearing with

to make sure of growth,

But

fmf: nourish + inspired by deal breaker by sara groves. This song hurts in the best way after this year, makes me want to write again, and was so worth the wait for the album.

me with the rainfall.

Here we are in

summer—the sky is cloudy &

my chest wants to cave under

the weight of this grief, a new

layer You’ve access to. Lord,

it’s my honesty, it’s too much- his

desire for me when I don’t see a

desire for You, too. When I speak

Up & say, this is too soon. We are

not in a relationship yet…

with my

chest almost like a trigger of

memories from a year ago, except

a year ago I wouldn’t have said

no. So, this is new & I hear You

whisper: I’m proud of you. But yet

here I sit with the swirling

thoughts: ghosted again. Why

couldn’t we just talk about it or

for him to say sorry, this isn’t

going to work? But I spoke up

again. 2 times in 2 days. That is

something to behold. The anxiety

only goes to show me I’m afraid

of physical intimacy a little too

soon—break off my fear before

the summer is up. Show me a guy

can have interest but respect too.

I’m worthy and I’m finally

starting to believe it. Shame can’t

cover me when I’m looking to

You. You who is faithful and true.

One who is looking out for me.

Hold

– five minutes Friday prompt: summer, written for 15 mins.

God is teaching me I have a voice and totally say can no through a dating app. The prayers that hurt, but make me grateful for God coming through.

foggy but my heart is thankful

I sit in the not so quiet

with You—a lawn mower

is running to my right, birds

are chirping in the distance—

everything is loud & I’m still

holding onto a truth, an opposite

of a lie, he’s one man, not all.

even if I can’t fully believe this

now, yet, I fully expect You to

show me how, Lord. You are

faithful even now in this miracle

yet to unfold. My head is

Prompt: quiet.

can’t wait for what’s next.

I hear that song

from last season,

last year when I was

bent on dreaming of

a slow love from someone

who in the end was only

deceiving. Lord, the lyrics

still ring true: my heart is

struggling not to get hurt

again, not to cower in fear

again because I’m open &

vulnerable & broken & healing.

I want love in this season from

a man who also knows he’s

healing – but we are committed to

loving You and living out Your

love from now until You call us

home. I

Prompt from fmf: slow. + another of writing a poem about how you feel after listening to a song. So mine was slow by shy martin thanks to shuffling.

You are sure in the details, Lord. Thank you for always encouraging me + keeping me close + healing me like no one else through ways I’m not expecting.

ings doubt You showed Thomas scars for.

I listen as she sings

You will carry me through

the heartache this has caused

me—to turn away, turn in, carry

this inside and watch me cover up again.

You always know

how to pull out of

myself when my only

question rings: can I

truly trust You aren’t

going to pull away too when

I don’t give what You want?

God, I’ve changed so much

but this ache burns and br

This is brought to you by Ellie Holcomb’s new singles: I will carry you + Canyon + the prompt: she from five minute Friday.

I’m trying to make an attempt to come back to blogging on Fridays because I miss the challenging prompts, miss writing and the community blogging has brought me. I feel I’m prone to drop off the face of the earth again but this is an attempt to go back to what I know.

No back story or linking up. Just going to let the poems speak for awhile

a tired plea

God of all comfort,

come with Your songs

of deliverance – may

they be as loud as the birds

surrounding me now. They know

the worth of singing in the middle

of a storm, when the world is in

upheaval, nothing

stops their fighting songs

from greeting the morning.

You are their and my portion

& my strength – to face another

day to see another magnolia

bloom & perfume this swollen

earth.

I got you.

God, I don’t know

how to tell you how

lost I feel – inside

my chest, there is

a weight of grief

that finds my eyes

lately. I want to will the

tears forward. This cost

of leaving one place for

a trip back, it hurts leaving

the gift of a friendship I have

learned more about the power

of Your presence. I don’t want

to tell you how much it hurts because I’m so afraid it will mean I’m still the girl who

is desperate. I don’t feel like

that anymore. I feel quieter,

settled in prayer, telling you

I miss her and knowing you

are listening, you are near.

I want to say more of how

I miss sitting in her car, and feeling your presence near

And the way she went up the porch and called the cat Biggie smalls and we’d laugh and stay up late with candy and face masks. And now we’re distanced

by miles but I know our hearts are knit together as a furry sweater. I want to close the distance again in your way and time, but I miss sitting in Barnes and Noble and buying books, coffee and dreaming of the future or sitting in Starbucks working on books together and just getting to be there. So much

healing. I miss my best friend and here is where the tears start

coming, the ones begging to fall

on the floor into your invisible jar.

The ones I know if I let flow, they will taste of salt. Like the popcorn we got at so many movies, Lord. So many with slushies and chats about them after. What have I done today to make me feel proud today, Lord?

Say thank you over and over and

let you hold me close, to hear you say, I know.

*fmf: cost

(It’s been forever since I did a side note); I had to stop the timer with the one. I paused it in the middle, resumed, and I think it was going to let me write for 3 hours when I put 5 mins.

I’ve been participating in Nanowrimo (national novel writing month) for the first time ever this month. It is why I’ve been quiet here. It has been a struggle in a few different ways.

  1. Comparison – I’ve watched God bring so much encouragement to me in the midst of it.
  2. A billion distractions – and my struggle saying no, I need to do this for awhile. I’m writing this novel, peeps. The recommended videos on YouTube can be a serious rabbit hole..
  3. Fear of what will come out, if I can finish, having no real solid plan in the beginning, just a vague idea.

I want to go into this last week with hope I can finish strong no matter the word count I finish at. I want to keep writing this into the new year. I would like some serious prayer to keep going. It is a small burning fire that won’t leave.

Thank you for any prayers/encouragement.

make us ready.

Father

He tells me

he is the last to know

we are not together anymore.

I want to know why he even cares – it takes my mother to

◦ pull me back to reality – to

◦ Say do I really want to go

◦ Down that road again? You want a a guy who has religion in his life. There are guys like that out there. You can be flattered but don’t respond. I don’t want to be flattered though. I want to be

◦ Honored, respected. I don’t need to be ea(ting from the tree anymore, letting the serpent tell me, don’t you want this? No, I actually want someone who will carry me around, will see my worth the first time and his words and actions match up. So, here I am blocking the holes that got you in the first time, praying, Father, keep me safe

and prepare me for the man who

lives a life of integrity in light of Your love, to have & to hold,

to cherish me forever.)

fmf: last.

*( where timer stopped.