is hope. 

We sit on the floor.

Backs against the wall

with coffee in her hand

& tea in my own. My heart 

split with sorrow I could no 

longer hold. I don’t remember 

what I said, but I do remember 

the way I said, God, I am a selfish person

out loud. I should have listened to the 

story of her heart more. The breaks and 

the bend & finally seeing someone 


the hurt. Circumstances may be

different, but we both still have th

fmf: story

I haven’t wanted to write here since this last week. My heart has been trying to process the experience of declare and the little things in between, like crying because God whispers I’m beautiful and sobbing because relationships are hard. Really. And staying on the floor is best sometimes. And singing to Trisha about hope. Even though I’m on the verge of tears. And telling her son that his take on time is beautiful. And the way he shows me his AWANA book one of the days it’s like Jesus just walked on in. The joy. Singing all the way to the conference everyday. (Yes, it was Ellie Holcomb. 😂 there was some Sara groves.) And the talks every night. And laughing with her husband. Parenthood. Rambles. Chocolate. Sunsets. Prayers. Lots of those. Ugly cry(ies).

A new friend, Kayla. this girl can draw. Seriously. And her willingness to chill with me and make a path to get around during Beats and Sweets was a gift. Her dancing while walking in the middle of the dance floor was also beautiful, watching her embrace it and me just smiling because I can’t handle spotlight.      (We’re going to maybe MAYBE write a song together. 😂)  Meeting another friend, Miah in one of the biggest half price bookstores I’ve ever seen. A rainbow the second day of the conference. 

Seriously, it’s like the Lucky Charms cereal box. But better. Also, I didn’t take this picture, but my friend, Desiree.  (I have 2 without any people that I took. I think I was too busy trying to be present. And somewhat hiding from the fact that being loved without any effort on my part makes me cry. A lot of the times I’d start to cry, I just would look at Trisha or others who got to watch me sob and just wonder how God can take it. Accept me while I’m all, wait, you love me? But I.. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be a mess. This is what I saw in their eyes. Heard in their prayers. It was like God came right up to my face multiple times and said, its alright. I see you. I know the hurt. 

And then as if God just wanted to add a little bit more delight to my year, my dad hints while we are driving back to the airport that he is going to Texas next month. And then on the plane he says he can drop me off to see Trisha again when he goes for a meeting.  (and in my delirium, I sit there like, are you sure? in my head. But then he mentions it again when we are home and my brain is like: WHOA. GOD. Whoa. So tired, but whoa. 

This trip showed me God as a father. How he provides. And REALLY DELIGHTS to surprise you. Gives you extra time. How he loves you. And I saw God as a friend. How he listens. Walks with you. Sits with you.  Reassures you he is listening. Grabs you a whole bunch of tissues when tears will flow. Makes you tea and spends time being still with you and lending a shoulder when you really don’t want to move and singing is more appealing. Prays with and for you. And spontaneously takes you for ice cream because the skit guys said it was the best.  

There’s more I could share. But my heart is savoring. God really did abundantly more than I asked or thought. Way. 

Thank you, God. For everything. Every little thing. With this trip. With the friendships. With my heart. Please don’t stop. Please keep showing the deep delight. Please please. You are good. Even in this wait. You are faithful. Amen. 


like my mouth is trying to run a race. 

I am caught in

the blessing when 

my phone lights with

the picture and I hear 

her ask, how I am. I 

say good..ish and she 

repeats the ish. And then 

later on, her laugh fetches 

mine as we realize how hard 

connecting is. But what she doesn’t know 

is how I’ve missed this welcoming space

to ramble though my voice cuts off, not in 

tears but movement 
fmf: blessing

It is a bblessing to call a friend after you haven’t talked since last year (on the phone) and remembering how good it is to laugh. To hear them laugh. And their kids in the background. And what you are pretty sure is a bird. And god’s reminder that though you may be tired of reaching out to anyone, afraid nothing will happen, or you will hurt them/or they will you, be a burden..God drives these fears out. Even if it’s slow. So slow. But it’s worth it for laughter. To remember you are always welcome even if you’re talking too fast and you’re cutting out. And some anticipatory happines coming. And lingering in the silence. And reminder to not give up.  

There’s been a lot of praying this week and confusion, some anger which I think is serious deep sorrow, cat holding and late nights with tears that stopped my phone screen from working. Laughter from a typo that has turned into something without fail makes me laugh.

And this. And lavender sugar cookies. And playing fetch with the dog whose eyes gleam with God’s compassion. And I think I just named so many blessings. Abundance in the hard places. ☺️

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. 

(o) see You again 

God, come again
to my side–Your hand

in mine makes me able

to breathe again. Tell me

again I’m wonderfully made 

by You. Look in my eyes, whisper again 

the life draining 

from You can be filled to full again. All I 

have is Yours here.

My heartbeats. The blinks of my eyes in 

between the wait

fmf: breathe.

I took an unintended break from here last week. I feel like my life is starting to become that way. Everything feels like one huge Selah. And I’m tired to the point I’d like to sleep (but I don’t) all day and fight-y to the point I’m weary. I’ve gotten hooked into a show that is like a soap opera, and I keep trying to pull away because I can see it’s going in very uncomfortable turns and has been but can’t pull away. 

I’m noticing this the closer I get to Jesus, the distractions fly in front of my face and I’m like, I can do this. It’s just a thing I can walk away from. Err, nevermind. Look, who’s been on the couch for hours? And then by the end of the night, I go back to Jesus like HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? What makes writers write things like that and I keep watching? Whyy? I’ll hang out with you but wait going to watch that..  I really need Your Word. You. Something about Your goodness. How does my heart break like this for people who I don’t really know that well at all and Jesus, my body, worn out and weary. WHERE IS THE SHINY? sigh. And how is it that I keep coming back to You when I feel You hate me for being so easily swayed. 

The beauty to all this is the friends who God has been using to listen and encourage me. Like Megan, who sat with me and listened to me sing ELLIE HOLCOMB’S NEW ALBUM pretty much over and over and over instead of working on something with full attention. And talk about how her and Sara Groves need to sing the whole Bible because it’d be awesome! And I’d never turn it off. And how we are going to have road trip to Texas because Ellie doesn’t have a stop here in GA and I want to drag another friend with us (probably wouldn’t be dragging to her..). But this ALBUM AND UGHHH.  And road trip! I really dream a little too much maybe about road tripping with Megan. But God gets it. And I think he may find it as funny as I do. And randomly dancing. And this:

This is waiting for the Cheesecake Factory and eye spy and laughter. Because that’s how Megan rolls especially when I’m tired. And cold. And all the time.  But was worth it just to share with her. 

And watch her make this:

I love the glove heart. And how the g in delight looks like it’s lifting up the e in every. Totally describes our friendship 🙂

Not sure where this post was going but looks like it went to gratitude to God for Megan. For how good He is. 

this is not the end

Hello Lord,

maybe it is 

common to cry 

when you are going

home–it is not crying,

welling. Welling, as I listen 

to stare out the window & 

watch sun fall below my view,

as I go back into the dark unknown. 

Listening as You

tell me: I love you. You can be

sad. I’m not letting go, but you 

must know 
Fmf: common

I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling right now, except I hurt. This is a poem about leaving Texas this week. From walking into Trisha’s house to hummus her niece Claudia made (so good). Being asked by Joshua to play Rummy and instead playing Go Fish, because I have no clue how to play rummy.  To Sam, who took every opportunity to stand or try to stand on my cane because you know, it’s fascinating. And having no power to say no because his eyes and smile are 😍 and that curly hair. And how he held my walker for me when getting out the car. I seemed to leave my phone behind constantly, stayed up late rambling on (because my nerves turned into excitement and pumpkin spice latte was all: Julia, you ready to stay up?!) about life and Jesus.

This trip reminded me a lot about how love is patient & kind. How it will stay up late for/with you, how it will remind you it is okay to ask for help, nothing to be nervous about. How it remembers. How it listens. How it asks for your thoughts. How it laughs. How it yearns to comfort. Help. And you know, give you chocolate chip cookies and  pieces of left over Halloween candy. And popcorn. And kale salad (sooo gooood.)  

And how time slows down when you’re fully present & not panicked this is it, time is running out. It felt like an abundance was given when I stared at the sky or walked or laughed or listened.

It all felt so precious. So different than what I’m used to, which is sobbing because it’s over, this time because I said, I’m getting sad, God seemed to guard my heart and give subtle hints this wasn’t it. Still doesn’t take away that I miss Joshua and Sam playing tag in the morning. Or listening to Claudia break out in song. I never expected to fall in love with someone’s kids. Or for the most part feel more myself than the scared little girl who’s afraid to ask. It felt okay to laugh. It felt like I’ve been there before. Like I’ve been friends with Trisha way longer. And her husband, Michael’s bursts of laughter always took me aback.

I feel like it was a welcome and a linger. A homey feeling that still is lasting coming back into my unknown. But I do know Jesus’ love for me is keeping a firm gentle hold.

I didn’t expect to write all this, but Jesus knew since all my thoughts are 😭😶😞🙈😮🎉🎉 helps me process. There’s more but need to let them simmer. I love Jesus so much for who he’s put in my life.

be found in Yours still.

On this journey,

I don’t know where

I am going. I know it is

new, a wide open space

I can walk through. A voice

speaks behind me, this is the 

way I want you to go. This voice, so calm 

& so sure, with

light beaming all around. How

could I not trust His intentions 

even as still don’t know. Abba,

please don’t let me go. May my

right hand

Fmf: Journey.

This week I’ve learned two things: I can cry at the truth. Or laugh. The crying part came from one sentence in a text: Julia, will you please just let God bless you? (It actually isn’t written this way, but that’s how i read it. The weeping that came and the heaviness in my heart, whoa. I don’t understand my refusal to let God bless me, well, actually, yes I do. All I’ve done and the pain I’ve experienced. You can’t possibly want to give me this when you know my heart, God. When you know I tend to look for someone to take care of me and can easily turn them into an idol. I’ve gotten used to being alone with you and trying to tell you or crying because I so easily turn away. I cry because I want to see you. I need you. And maybe this is typical of being on the threshold of something new, you panic. Well, you don’t God, but I do. The panic really shows me my need for you. And I heard somewhere that anywhere you are is my comfort zone. So, when I get on the plane next week, you will be there. When I get off, you will be there. When I say hi to this friend finally not through text or phone calls, you will be there. You know the desires you placed in my heart that I still don’t understand, but make me all: WHAT IS GOING ON? What is with this peace?! And I don’t have to know because I think if I did, I’d still be hesitant. But I really have to thank you for how you’ve given me the courage to ask and a father who seems to be very excited to take me. It’s very interesting how You do things. Oh and if you want to surprise me any more because this is a big one to me, go ahead. Delight away.

And the laughing part is that apparently to Megan (who told me to let God bless me. She’s a really good friend, she is. Let’s me just ramble on..and then gets me with some truth. She really knows how to sharpen me 😉), I write A LOT. It’s funny because I don’t actually notice until I go back through stuff. With the amount of journals I’ve gone through this year (5-6 I think), it’s a lot. And if you let me, I’ll write novelish texts and emails. 😂 God has given me some seriously awesome friends who are fine to take this. I’m glad he doesn’t mind either.☺️

This is very novel like. Well, sorta. I think I take fmf to tmf (ten minute Friday. Maybe more. Lol)

The Wisdom of a Silly Old Bear — Meg Lynch

If you know me, you know how much I LOVE WINNIE THE POOH BEAR. I may or may not still sleep with the stuffed Pooh my bro gave me upon my arrival to this planet. Who wouldn’t love Pooh? His giggle is infectious; his diet is role-model-worthy, and his friends are the absolute best. AND […]

via The Wisdom of a Silly Old Bear — Meg Lynch

“You are courageous, even when you don’t feel it.

You can do this, even if you don’t think you can.

You have what it takes to make it through this, even if you don’t know it yet.

You might not be able to tell, but you’re doing a lot better than it seems.”

This. I really needed to know all this today, especially being courageous and making it through. ☺️ Maybe you do too. And now I have the Winnie the Pooh song in my head lol.

And makes me think of this: Proverbs 16:24 Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. ❤️

a confession 

Open the book,

& begin to write 

a letter of my heart-

I’ve always wanted to

be fast, to wear designer 

jeans, sandals, have someone 

always by my side. Their confidence, but 

Lord, how 

how do you like me like this?

broken body, slow as the elderly outside, 

but youthful in spirit. How much does it 

cost to


fmf: mail.

This is what happens when you write to almost don’t get the word in because you’re too caught up in the song. But whoa this prompt made me want to talk about wanting to get mail (book mail is awesome but something about a letter today just would hit the spot. And chocolate. And a hug from a friend. Laughter. You think you could send that all through the mail, Jesus? Because that’d be cool..)  but this also made me think of the letters from friends. And books. And mail I’ve sent all: JESUS! I’m way too excited!! Stamps. We have to have those! I can’t wait til they get it!! The anticipation is high…hope they get it.. 😮😶🤔😅😃 

I love how very random this is. Or silly. I’m going to keep mailing Jesus worship because it’s keeping me awake & I kind of feel he enjoys my delirium this week. So thankful he will sit with me however I am. He’ll wash over me with his love. Yes, that may be from this. I like where you’re going with all these reprises, Jesus. Mhm, I do.